I piss a lot. Sometimes, I poop.
If you're not into awkward, fat, sometimes funny, blue haired, oversharing stoners who don't shave or wear a bra, keep scrolling
Butt, if that's your bag, I'll see you right back here regularly, for daily Watersports clips (up to $5), Occasional toilet shitting ($10), and full length feeder/hydration clips ($7)
Twitter: @HerEllaness | Instagram: HerEllaness | Manyvids: Her-Ellaness
Since I already know that I'm gonna run out of spoons and need to recover for a few days. I decided to do some house cleaning. My mind had gotten so wrapped up in puttering that I don't remember the last thing I touched, so I rinsed my hands before pissing.
Since I'm already performing my housewife duties. I close the sliding glass doors before I sit down to pee. Can I just say how much I love my hair in a high point from this camera angle? I love the way the color cascades down. That reminds me, I redyed my hair! I can't wait for these scheduled posts to finish so you can see it. I'm so excited!
Also, can we take a moment to talk about how fabulous this shirt is? The color, the baggy fit, the comfort of the fabric. I don't think that I could love a shirt as much as I love this one ever again.
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The money whore in me. You know, no matter what I do, no matter where I go. I'm always looking for an opportunity to make a buck or two.. thousand.. I love that for me. I went out today, so I see a few missing days in my future... erm.. past.. because spoonie recovery sucks.
Anyway.. sitting down on the toilet in my brand new top (can be worn as long shirt or summer dress) I barely get a chance to pull my leggings all the way down and sit when I start pissing. My hand begins to tremor, my eyes begin to water, my nose begins to run, and all I can do is feel every sensation as my soul leaves my body.
As I begin to come to, I look down and see the liner I'm still wearing because I went out in public today. It's time to pull it off! Then the money whore in me kicks in. "I should sell my liners," I mean.. there's a market for everything, right? and I wear them regularly enough that I could. So the question remains.. Should I?
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As I peel off my sweater to hang it, I'm changing omg, omg, omg, because I just know this is going to be a life changing experience. Part of my self care was setting reminders for myself to eat because if I don't eat enough, this is how I start shitting. I settle in for a mind altering 30 seconds of piss.
The only way I can really describe what happened next is.. That I began pissing out of my ass.. small in size and in number were the pellets coming out of my ass. It was mostly that mucus that comes out when you forget to eat for long periods of time. As fun as it was to film & show you, I think it's a sign that I need to set reminders on my phone to eat again.. Anyway, enjoy looking inside my toilet as I flush the runny shit away. I'll see you tomorrow.
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As I peel off my sweater to hang it, I'm doing the pee-pee dance and finishing it off with a something that can only be described as a cross between a bounce and a squat.
I'm changing omg, omg, omg, because I just know this is going to be a life changing experience. I settle in for a mind altering 30 seconds of piss.
No shivering, no shuttering, just a beautiful, long stream of piss so good that it began & ended with an omg. I need more bathroom getaways like this one.
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I find comfort in tidying as I wander about the house, so before I sit down to pee, I do some basic tasks until the sense of urgency overwhelms me, and I need to sit.
I shuffle over to the toilet and slide my leggings down, shuttering as I go, pissing the moment my ass touches the seat. For the next 40+ seconds, I'm transported into another dimension. By the time I was finished, my nose was runny & my eyes were watering. I even had to wipe them before wiping away the urine.
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As I am editing, I see some blue on my grey spaghetti strap top. My birthday cake was blue, so I guess I got some on my shirt. Oh no.. Did I get icing in my hair when I redid my high ponytail? Because I noticed the blue on my hand after I redid it.
Nevermind. Focus on my ass as I dry my hands & sit down on the toilet.
For someone who was just bouncing up and down as I was changing the toilet roll, I sure am taking my time sitting to pee. The 30-plus seconds of pissing are worth it, though. From desperation to euphoric relief. As the stream comes to an end, I grab toilet paper & wipe. Suddenly, it's clear to me why I've been so horny lately.. I'm ovulating.
I wash my hands again, and as I go to dry them, a shampoo seal sticks to the bottom of my foot & I toss it in the garbage. I'll clean my foot downstairs, I'm out of wet wipes, so paper towel located in the kitchen will do. I have a fire starter hack for less waste!
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Tired and tinkling. I entered the bathroom because I felt something sticky on my fingernail. *yawns* I make my way to the toilet and slide my leggings down and sit. I'm greeted with 20 glorious seconds of pissing followed by an adorable toilet bowl fart.
What a chore it is to be me. *yawns* Turning around to flush the toilet, I debate whether I need coffee or to go lay down. As I finish washing & drying my hands, I yawn for a third time & a decision has been made.. I'm going to go eat some more birthday cake.
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There's a movie quote about a turtle head popping out of someone's ass. That's literally how it felt as I picked up my sweater off the floor to hang it. And it feels like it's gnawing at my butthole too because it's one of those shits that feels like broken glass as it gets excreted from my asshole.
I'm not pushing this poop out. Oh no, those faces & grunts are being made because I'm breathing through it & waiting for nature to work at its own pace. Even wiping my butt afterward is uncomfortable, and my sphincter feels.. loose. I need to reconstruct my butthole after that shit.
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Is it just me, or is my ass amazing in those marble leggings? Anyway, today's trip to the bathroom is an extended stay because after my 20-second long piss I needed to brush my tongue after coffee.
I just ordered a multipack hismile toothpaste, so I'm using up the last of what I have here before I start with the deliciousness. So you get to listen to me as I brush my mouth and gag on my toothbrush. Enjoy.
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Was that a wet fart? First off, all hail the mismatch pj's. I love them. Secondly, 2 farts in a clip, like, never happens, so I'm proud of myself. And third? I have no idea, but lists always have a third, right? So I thought typing it would give me an idea, but *shoulder shrug*
Anyway, back to the watersports.. Umm.. tada!
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My bratty beau went out, so I thought he'd be tired when he came back. I waited until he laid down to rest before peeing. As soon as he heard my piss hit the toilet, I heard him get out of bed and shuffle between the bedroom and the hallway.
He didn't even try to hide that he wanted to listen in, so I stayed in the bathroom a little longer, blowing my nose to pass time. Once I was doing that I heard him go back in the bedroom, but I wasn't taking any chances. I turned the camera off before leaving the bathroom.
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The blue tye dye shirt and the grey & yellow pj pants look terrible together, but it's Monday & the clothes are comfortable, so I don't care. Also, I really need to shit & the toilet paper is out in the bathroom.
As you can tell by the bold, leaving of the door open & lights on, that I filmed while hubby wasn't home, haha! He had errands to run, I had a coffee poop on the way, so it worked out!
While going back & and editing, tho I'm kicking myself for not turning out the light. Don't be like me, turn out the lights behind you, it saves on your electric bill. Now that I've enriched your life with knowledge.. pay my electric bill.
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Mismatch Monday. The blue tye dye shirt and the grey & yellow pj pants look terrible together, but it's Monday & the clothes are comfortable, so I don't care. Also, I really need to pee & the toilet paper is out in the bathroom.
As you can tell by the bold, leaving of the door open & lights on, that I filmed while hubby wasn't home, haha! He had errands to run, I had an outside world I didn't want to be out in, so it worked out!
While going back & and editing, tho I'm kicking myself for not turning out the light. Don't be like me, turn out the lights behind you, it saves on your electric bill. Now that I've enriched your life with knowledge.. pay my electric bill.
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Asspirations. I'm feeling moved today. I'm seeing my future out in front of me, and it brings me joy. I've been busy working again, so today, as I film my pee clip, I indulge a little.
I set the camera up at my favorite angle so you can see my ass as I sit on the toilet, wash my hands, and dry them too. I can't resist looking at the camera and teasing you a little. I know my ass looks good from this angle, and I love to show it off.
This whole clip is a 10.. 5 stars.. two thumbs up.. I love myself, and it shows. Give me a good review.. and send a tip too while you're at it.
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That has what I have dubbed the watersports clips I film when my husband is out shopping. I was already hydrating when he asked me what we needed from the grocery store & I could feel the tinge of excitement stirring as I gave him a short list.
As soon as I heard the front door close, I quickly finished up the mundane daily task I was doing & race to the bathroom for a relaxing, uninterrupted, piss clip. You can see the total change in my body language, the unguarded relaxation, the absolute contentment on my face, isn't it amazing? I need a weekend house. And you need to buy it for me.
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A quick intermission. It's the middle of a busy morning, but that doesn't mean I can't stop for a moment.. or 40.. to let the pressure just drain away. Once I make it to the toilet, that is. Bouncing doesn't seem to be helping, but I need to do something until I can walk, so I continue to do the pee pee dance until I can finally sit on the toilet.
How am I so unbelievably cute? Like, even without showing my face, even without talking directly to you, even when I'm just existing, I say and do the most adorable fucking things. That's what I think about this clip. I'm fucking adorable. Tell me I'm adorable, damnit.
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Saved by the liner. I am back on my grind again, so much so that I was delaying this piss by editing & scheduling yesterday's. I guess I waited a little too long because as I start frantically mumbling and making my way to the toilet, a little bit of urine begins to flow into the liner I'm wearing.
The wave of relief was so intense that I didn't bother to keep count, I just knew it was a fantastic watersports clip in the making. Recovering from such a satisfying stream is like returning from another galaxy. Returning to earth is always such a sweet sorrow.. knowing it's come to an end. Oh, a towel!
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Make it a minute. Bouncing up-and-down as I unzip my hoodie.. I know that it's going to be a satisfying pee. I hang my sweater on the empty towel rack, reminding me once again that I need to get a towel. Drying my hands on my shirt or leggings seems counterproductive to washing them. Nevertheless, it's what I'm gonna have to do again today.
I make my way to the toilet. Slide my leggings down to the floor and begin peeing the moment my butt hits the toilet seat. 60 seconds of hand vibrating moan inducing relief. As the piss comes to an end, I wipe the satisfied tears away from my eyes. I need to take a moment to recover, that was amazing.
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Frantic in flip flops. I didn't have the will to pick the towel or bathtub platform off the floor before setting up the camera because the need to pee was just too urgent. Dancing in place, flip flops clacking with every frantic step as I tried to clear the floor after setting up the camera.
I give in to my desperation and shuffle my way over to the toilet, only pulling my leggings far enough that I don't sit on them because I'm worried that if I bend over, I may piss down my leg. I lower myself to the toilet seat and begin peeing for what turns out to be more than 30 seconds.
As the relief came over my body like a wave, I scratched at my pubic hair because sometimes, it just feels good to. I get up, flush the toilet, wash my hands, put my sweater back on, and return to the dark & quiet, that is the house at 1am. Time to take my evening meds with a large glass of water, then off to bed to wake up tomorrow morning & film another clip. I'll see you then!
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Recovery is hard. The way the dentist described it, it sounded like my last surgery was going to be quick and easy, so I didn't prepare for post-op recovery as well as I should have. I didn't get edible & topical pain relief this time around, nor did I get basics like Tylenol or Aleve.
Now that I am feeling better now, though, I'm catching up on chores and resuming filming because as much as I enjoyed the rest, I enjoy money even more. So enjoy the 30 plus second long stream of piss, & don't forget to tip.
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